Probably because you sleep until noon.

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Portland's progressive parking policy has taken a beating recently. Under city code, developers are allowed to build some types of buildings in areas with frequent public transit without any parking. Developers love it (parking is extremely expensive to build), car-free renters love it (because they're not paying the added cost of a parking every month), and pro-density advocates love it, because Portland can build more units on small, urban lots if they don't have to worry about parking spaces.

But a spate of 29 parking-free multi-unit developments permitted in the past 18 months has neighbors worried that all those "green" apartments will just lead to car-owning residents parking on neighborhood streets. Responding to those complaints, the city published the results of a big parking study last week that dug into what has happened around eight of the new buildings that had fewer parking spots than units.

The big takeaway: There is still room to park around the parking-free buildings. Even at peak capacity, a two-block radius around the new buildings still had plenty of spaces. Here's the city's chart:

But the second finding: Most of the people living in low-or-no-parking buildings still own cars. According to the study, 72 percent of people in the buildings still own a car and the average number of cars per unit varies from .5 at NE Portland's Shaver Green to 1.2 at the Andria on SE 42nd and Belmont. That's roughly the same as the rest of Portland, since 73 percent of us own cars. But, the people who live in the new buildings are also more likely than the average Portlander to commute to work by bike, walking or transit: only 36 percent of residents drive a vehicle alone to work. That low-car-use behavior is long-term for goals like Portland Climate Action Plan.

If you care about these kinds of issues, there is a big public meeting about Portland parking policy tomorrow at 1900 SW 4th Avenue, Room 2500. Sadly, it's right in the middle of the day, from 1:30-3:30pm.

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So this is weird. Nobody wants to direct Star Wars.

"No! No! It's not my genre. It's my best friend George's genre." —Steven Spielberg, who has, weirdly, directed many, many films in Star Wars' genre, and who once upon a time really, really wanted to direct a Star Wars movie

"Look, Star Wars is one of my favorite movies of all time. The opportunity for whomever it is to direct that movie, it comes with the burden of being that kind of iconic movie and series. I was never a big Star Trek fan growing up, so for me, working on Star Trek didn't have any of that almost fatal sacrilege. I am looking forward more than anyone to the next iterations of Star Wars, but I believe I will be going as a paying moviegoer!" —J.J. Abrams

“No, sorry. Especially if Disney’s going to do it. I’m not interested in the Simon West version of Star Wars.” —Quentin Tarantino, being awesome (seriously, I love Star Wars, and I love Tarantino, but whoever thinks Tarantino should direct a Star Wars is probably insane)

“I don’t think I’d be interested in directing it. I’m a huge Star Wars fanatic. I just think doing [episodes] seven, eight and nine is just a slippery slope. It’s a whole other mythological experiment I’m excited to see, but it’s a lot of effort.” —Zack Snyder

Right now the rumors are that the top contenders are Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class) and Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Cowboys & Aliens), who's basically begging for the job, and a whole lot of nerds won't shut up about Brad Bird (The Incredibles, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol). Those all sound accurate to me, by which I mean safe: Disney's gonna pick someone they can boss around, and someone who'll make mainstream audiences like Star Wars again so that that Disney's marketing department can move past the stigma of the prequels. I'd also say Joe Johnston is a dark horse—he's worked with producer Kathleen Kennedy before, he worked on the original Star Wars movies, and he had a big success with Captain America. Then again, everything he directs has the feel of a cheap TV movie (which to be fair, in cases like Jurassic Park III, that can be fun), so it's likely they'll go with someone who's better with scale. That's probably the same reason the heartening rumor about Colin Trevorrow being considered probably won't go anywhere: Safety Not Guaranteed was phenomenal, but they'll likely go with someone who has more experience with blockbusters.

Personally, I feel like there are two directors who could nail the pacing, action, charm, spectacle, and humor that made the original Star Wars films so much fun. They are Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Scott Pilgrim) and Rian Johnson (Brick, The Brothers Bloom, Looper). Neither of them will get this job, but I wish like hell one of 'em would.

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Okay. So this guy is afraid he may have accidentally impregnated his sister via some of his splooge he left on the toilet seat. (????) But what's super hilarious is that he thought it would be smarter to ask readers of the I, Anonymous Blog for some advice, instead of Dan Savage. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Do I tell her? How could I? If I wait too long and my suspicion proves to be true, then it'll be even worse. But if I tell her now, it will just be a fucking disgusting thing to tell your sister, but at least she could go get tested or something. This is some fucked up shit. I was going to write Dan Savage, but that might take too long. Any advice will be much appreciated.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Okay, now this person is hands down the DUMBEST person to ever grace the I, Anonymous Blog. Can you top him? I SINCERELY DOUBT IT. But... go ahead and try! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

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Portland police officers—ominously warning that they've been combing through video footage of the November 3 anti-austerity protest that saw some two-dozen people eat painful pepper spray—have made a second arrest in connection with the otherwise festive, peaceful event.

Yesterday, police announced the arrest of Michael Jay Miguel Hernandez, 30, and said he faces charges including disorderly conduct, and more seriously, the attempted assault of an officer. His alleged crime? According to a news release:

Hernandez "placed his bicycle in front of a Portland Police Officer who was blocking the intersection on the north side of Northeast Halsey Street with his police bike. Hernandez then attempted to push through the officer using both bikes."

The police say Hernandez was picked up without incident at SE 20th and Salmon—riding the same bike as on November 3, the release makes sure to point out. (His friends say that happened Friday, November 9—long after the protest and well before the arrest was announced.)

But there appears to be more to the story, according to video of the altercation and comments from witnesses. And let me add, before I go on, that I can personally testify to the idea that cops in these situations can be testy about the mistaken perception of a threat.

Based on footage of the protest, it appears Hernandez really was up against a police line during the larger confrontation.

But his gaze (he's the guy in the flat cap down near the lower right) appears to be trained on what was a looming confrontation between wooden-and-canvas-sign-carrying marchers and bike cops, not on the cop right in front of him. It looks like he tried to get a closer look when the pepper spray erupted, and that's when the cop in front of him objected. Friends say their bikes got tangled and Hernandez was trying to free his up—and was pepper sprayed himself.

He eventually moved back toward the cowering crowd where, later, footage shows him nearly being laid out by a riot officer who surged up while Hernandez had his back turned and gave him a major shove with his baton.

Participants in the march and Hernandez's friends are apoplectic. They've defended him as a gentle person who served for eight years as a military mechanic.

And they're raising a stink about the timing of the arrest and its serious charge—coming after days of dubious press clippings for the police bureau after nearly a dozen high school students marching in the protest rallied at city hall last week to report being those the cops sprayed.

Nick Caleb, an attorney and college professor who's become an organizer, posted an essay today on Blue Oregon criticizing the officers in that incident for posing with an Elvis impersonator and celebrating—a claim he made in front of Portland City Council at a meeting last Thursday.

After viewing videos of the incident over and over, from different vantage points, I'm not sure where the alleged crimes are committed. Whatever is going on, it's clear that Mike is not the aggressor and if he were violent or intending to assault an officer, he had plenty opportunity to do it.... The PPB, in their press release to the media on Sunday, added an edited version of the pepper spraying incident that removed the riot cop slamming Mike in the back.

Complaints have already begun hitting the city's Independent Police Review office over the pepper-spraying during the November 3 protest. But the police bureau continues to describe what happened as a "violent" struggle and says it respectfully disagrees with the suggestion that its officers over-reacted.

Sergeant Pete Simpson, a bureau spokesman, told me last week when asked about the complaints of the teenagers who gathered at city hall:

As far as their characterization of the incident, I'd say the video clearly shows that it was violent and ramming and would add that nobody has the right to shove or push police officers in this manner. The street to the east (Halsey) was wide open for the unpermitted march to continue, with a police escort. The people in the front of the crowd put on masks and goggles, and retrieved the ramming shields. They were there for a confrontation with police; they initiated it, and it was a defining moment in the march.

Just like many marches in the past, unsuspecting demonstrators show up for one thing and the movement gets hijacked by the Black Bloc-types. It's unfortunate that it happened but it only happened because of the actions of the crowd with the signs.

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In May 2010, Jonathan Richman played two shows at the Know, making for an almost unique opportunity to see the legendary songwriter in such intimate, unpretentious digs. Notice I said almost! Because Richman—along with accompanist Tommy Larkins—returns to perform three nights at the Know later this month: Saturday November 24, Sunday November 25, and Monday, November 26.

The Know's website has all the pertinents, which I shall rehash for you here. Basically, the most important thing is that a total of 98 advance tickets will be available for each show, and those go on sale tonight at 9 pm at the Know. (An additional 40 day-of-show tickets will also go on sale before each night.) Here's all the dirty:

• 98 presale tickets will be sold for EACH show
• Presale tickets will go on sale (exclusively available at The Know) at 9pm on MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12th for $10 each
• only TWO presale tickets will be made available to each purchaser!!!
• There will be approximately 40 day-of-show ”tickets” available for EACH show for $12 per person (NOTE: there will be NO paper ticket given with day-of admission)
• NO VIDEO RECORDING devices are allowed during the performance!!! (NOTE: this day-in-age everyone’s phone is capable of capturing video…don’t be an asshole. Please respect this simple-request made by Jonathan and refrain from taking advantage of our performers with your hand-held technology)

The Know admits a little surprise that Richman has taken such a liking to their decidedly divey dive, but shows at the Know are always fun, and if you missed Richman there last time, there's no excuse to let the same thing happen this time.

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I have to say, they put up a compelling case. (Now it's your turn, lesbians!)

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In May 2010, Jonathan Richman played two shows at the Know, making for an almost unique opportunity to see the legendary songwriter in such intimate, unpretentious digs. Notice I said almost! Because Richman—along with accompanist Tommy Larkins—returns to perform three nights at the Know later this month: Saturday November 24, Sunday November 25, and Monday, November 26.

The Know's website has all the pertinents, which I shall rehash for you here. Basically, the most important thing is that a total of 98 advance tickets will be available for each show, and those go on sale tonight at 9 pm at the Know. (An additional 40 day-of-show tickets will also go on sale before each night.) Here's all the dirty:

• 98 presale tickets will be sold for EACH show
• Presale tickets will go on sale (exclusively available at The Know) at 9pm on MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12th for $10 each
• only TWO presale tickets will be made available to each purchaser!!!
• There will be approximately 40 day-of-show ”tickets” available for EACH show for $12 per person (NOTE: there will be NO paper ticket given with day-of admission)
• NO VIDEO RECORDING devices are allowed during the performance!!! (NOTE: this day-in-age everyone’s phone is capable of capturing video…don’t be an asshole. Please respect this simple-request made by Jonathan and refrain from taking advantage of our performers with your hand-held technology)

The Know admits a little surprise that Richman has taken such a liking to their decidedly divey dive, but shows at the Know are always fun, and if you missed Richman there last time, there's no excuse to let the same thing happen this time.

(Who's Jonathan Richman, you ask? Please stop reading this blog.)

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HUMBLE & HILARIOUS—Ellen Forney is the best! It's rare to find such creativity mixed with such humility, but maybe the Seattle cartoonist explains how she came to be so awesome in her new graphic memoir. Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me explores bipolar disorder through Forney's typically hilarious comics. SM
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

YOUNG HICKORY—The ranks of Andrew Jackson Jihad have swollen. The invigorating folk-punk duo is performing as a quartet on this tour, and their enhanced size is the perfect accompaniment to their raucous, purgative live show. With uplifting anthems and bitter ballads, AJJ might be the best thing to ever come out of Phoenix. NL
w/Future of the Left, Jeff Rosenstock; Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 7:30 pm, $13, all ages

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ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD, FUTURE OF THE LEFT, JEFF ROSENSTOCK
(Backspace, 115 NW 5th) The ranks of Andrew Jackson Jihad have swollen. The invigorating folk-punk duo is performing as a quartet on this tour, and their enhanced size is the perfect accompaniment to their raucous, purgative live show. With uplifting anthems and bitter ballads, AJJ might be the best thing to ever come out of Phoenix. NED LANNAMANN

JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION, QUASI
(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Jon Spencer and his explosive bluesmen have their detractors, but I’m not one of ’em. First, I cut Spencer tons of slack for heading Pussy Galore in the ’80s. Their sleazy noize middle-fingered music-biz conventions with gloriously spazzy nihilism. Second, those early Blues Explosion LPs ripped roots rock a few new ones—and roots rock still can’t s(h)it right. Third, the new album, Meat and Bone, slashes with much of the same ruthless, ribald power of those aforementioned early works. JSBX shouldn’t be sounding this vital this late in their career, but, surprisingly, they don’t need sonic Viagra. Fourth, you’re jealous that your woman wants Jon Spencer. DAVE SEGAL

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